The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
