I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
