im having a threesome with these popsicles
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
