It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
