i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Randomize
