I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Drunk is not a location!
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
