I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
