I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Noooo. We thought it would be funny for him to wake up buried in the sand. But we just remembered about the whole high tide thing and it's dark and it's pretty damn hard to find an unconscious head sticking out of the sand. Just help us out
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
Randomize
