Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
