On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
They took my balls.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
