That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
Randomize
