Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
