dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Randomize
