i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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