well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Sext me about skeletons
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
