my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
Randomize
