My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
Randomize
