So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
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