hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
