Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Randomize