There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Randomize
