i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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