its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize