I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
A Bum and I jusst hugged. its not even 8 pm.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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