I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
well, you know. whores of a feather.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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