remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
Randomize
