The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize