Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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