a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
