Quick, to the slutcave!
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
Randomize
