Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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