The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
