sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Randomize
