I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Randomize
