Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
