he referred to my room as the tit cave...
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
