You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
