well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
porn star boner night. come get it.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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