Duck Duck Cougar?
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
