smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I love having hate sex.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Randomize
