No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
Randomize
