is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
