We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
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