I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
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