I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Randomize
