Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize