You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
