No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
