I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Vodka?
Forever.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
