Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
