Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
We are all done wearing pants today
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
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