3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
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