I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
