ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
Randomize
