i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
Randomize
