he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
