Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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