"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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