I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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