I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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