You're earring is so big in my mouth
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
