Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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