it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Sorry my hands just texted you
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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