I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
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