Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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