I just saw a hot homeless man
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
