I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My underwear smells like fireworks.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
So much rum. So many feels.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Randomize