I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
