The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Randomize
