i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
