There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
