you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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