he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
