first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
