I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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