At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
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