the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
