i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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