I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
