2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
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