Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Randomize
