hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
