No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Randomize