woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
