Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
