TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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