Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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