yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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