I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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