Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
