He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
