I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
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