somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Randomize
