You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
