Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
