I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
Randomize
