So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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